Featured player Jeremy Culhane returned to Saturday Night Live's Weekend Update desk on May 9 for a second outing as Tucker Carlson, this time training the impression on last weekend's Met Gala and the new Michael Jackson biopic.
Pitching his voice up and punctuating his complaints with high-pitched laughs, Culhane's Carlson opened by taking aim at the event overall. "A night of fashion and fun. Huh. Really. Come on, everybody, let's all prance around in our $100,000 clown outfits and watch the American empire crumble. What are we doing? Come on," he said, according to Variety.
When Update co-anchor Colin Jost noted that Carlson clearly did not enjoy the Met Gala, "Tucker" answered: "Oh no, I loved it. Because when I go to a museum, I don't want to learn about history. No, I want to look at The Rock in a skirt. Do you smell what the Rock is cooking? Because I do. It's gender confusion. That's the rule. That's the goal now."
Carlson then moved to Madonna, who wore a large headpiece. "She named herself after the Virgin Mary. And you want to know my favorite thing about the mother of Jesus Christ? The big pirate ship on her head. And I have to be attracted to this?" Jost assured him he did not have to be.
Asked whether he liked any outfits, Carlson landed on Heidi Klum's Grecian marble statue look. "Oh yeah, the left has finally gotten what they've wanted. They put the Statue of Liberty in a burqa," he said. "What's next? Is the Chrysler Building going to become the antichrist-ler Building?"
Jost pointed out that Carlson actually lives in Maine, which sent the character on a tangent about the silent E in the state's name. "I'm glad you brought that up. Colin, what does the E even stand for? Oh, I know: 'Euphoria.' And, no, I'm not talking about the feeling I get when I press one for English."
Carlson then addressed the new Michael Jackson biopic and its star Jaafar Jackson. His complaint was not about the controversies that have surrounded Jackson's legacy. "The movie ends in 1988, so obviously they avoided something serious that needs to be acknowledged. The part of Michael Jackson's life no one wants to talk about anymore. The part when he was a white man. Sorry, kids, Michael Jackson doesn't get to live a beautiful white life anymore. Who does that remind me of? Oh, that's right, all of us."
Culhane closed the bit with a sponsored segment for a fictional product and a remark about A$AP Rocky's outfit at the Met Gala. "He was on the red carpet — wearing my least favorite color, African American," Culhane said as Carlson, per Deadline.
Elsewhere in Weekend Update, Mikey Day and Marcello Hernández appeared as a pair of kamikaze dolphins, trading oceanic puns. Hernández's dolphin explained his military enlistment: "I had hit reef bottom, and my life had no porpoise." Day's dolphin noted that if they performed well, they would be "rewarded with 72 sturgeons" in heaven. Hernández again broke character opposite Day, drawing attention as a running bit.
